Sometimes a celebrity food product comes into my life and I can’t believe my luck. The other day my girlfriend returned from a 99p shop on Rye Lane, Peckham with a pack of Ainsley Harriott Chocolate Heaven Bars. Not every woman would do that, and that is why I love her. What. A. Find.
Who had the foggiest idea that these bars existed? I bet you didn’t until you started reading this post. In fact I bet even Ainsley doesn’t know about them – they are that exclusive.
The packaging is well suited to their outlet, they look every bit a 99p store bar. It looks like whoever designed the wrapper tried to do it with a text box on word and then struggled to get the font size they wanted, in the end they thought “Oh fuck it, I’ll just have each word in a different size and make some of them bold”. It is the epitome of cheap packaging parading as classy, a look which is verging on success until you get to the far right of the wrapper where you find the words “WOW 99p for 9 bars” proudly displayed. I could not wait to try them.
I tore open the wrapper bursting with anticipation and encouraged by Ainsley’s description “My Chocolate Heaven Bars are a scrumptious combination of crisp wafer, chocolate flavour cream and milk chocolate chips, thickly coated in the finest Belgian Chocolate. You’ll not be able to resist them”.
Ainsley was spot on, I could not resist them, in fact I ate 3 in quick succession. They were like a luxury Blue Riband and everyone knows how they are simultaneously shit and great. Imagine the shitness and greatness of a Blue Riband but multiplied by 100 and you are getting somewhere close to the taste of a Chocolate Heaven Bar.
Where Ainsley’s description does start to fall down though is by claiming the bars are coated in “finest Belgian Chocolate”. I don’t pretend to be a chocolate connoisseur, but I have eaten my fair share of top quality chocolate and the stuff coating these bars does not fall into that category. It is sugary, creamy, cheap tasting stuff and that is exactly why I like it. If I wanted top quality chocolate I’d take myself to William Curley and spend £1 on 1 chocolate, I would not go to Rye Lane and spend 99p on 9 bars.
Ainsley in previous posts about you, (here and here if you’re interested) you have been a grave disappointment but today with your cheap, chocolate wafer heaven you have redeemed yourself. If you’re lucky enough to find them, treat yourself!
Ainsley Harriott Chocolate Heaven Bars – WOW 99p for 9 bars.