Simon Rimmer Onion Bhaji Mix

A few weeks ago I wrote about a Simon Rimmer packet mix and it was horrid. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. In the same post I was mean about Simon’s presenting style and the awards his restaurants may or may not have received. At the time it was pointed out to me that I had tarred Simon Rimmer and Tim Lovejoy with the same brush. I therefore concede that Simon isn’t that bad and it’s Tim who is guilty of the worst excesses of douchebaggery. Sorry Simon.

However whilst we find Tim guilty of sins against presenting, sins against food can’t be laid at his door, for that Simon Rimmer has to take the blame.

Bhaji Packet

After the potato cake disaster you’ll forgive me for approaching the onion bhajis with caution. I started reading the instructions and the only thing I had to provide for the onion bhaji was some water and THE ONION.  I didn’t have one. I went to the shop, came back 10p worse off but ready to begin.

I rip open the packet and a waft of cumin hits my nostrils – very nice! I pour the powder into a bowl and mix it with the cold water as instructed. At this point the mix resembles dog diarrhea, so to avoid looking at it, I quickly tip in the onion and get the slices well coated. When they are divided up and formed into bhajis they look really good. If they hadn’t come from a packet I’d feel really proud of myself.

Bhaji Mix

It was only at this point that I noticed that the bhajis are supposed to be deep fried. I really should have read the instructions properly. I don’t have a wok or a pan deep enough for deep frying, nor do I have enough oil. I glug in as much olive oil as I can spare and then drop in some bhajis. If they taste horrid because they aren’t cooked properly then I’ll only have myself to blame, I’ll let Simon off.

Cooked Bhajis

After a few minutes shallow frying they are ready. I think they are a bit darker than they should be but they still look good and I feel pretty pleased with myself. But it’s the tasting that counts…

And so I taste… but the problem is, they don’t taste of much. Yes there’s a bit of spicy heat and there’s a hint of cumin, but ultimately they are sensationally bland. They are the Indian food equivalent of James Morrison. They would benefit greatly from a good whack of seasoning and much like a James Morrison album my advice would be, don’t waste your money, there’s better alternatives out there.

Simon Rimmer Onion Bhaji Mix 136g £1.55 (plus onion money)


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7 Responses to Simon Rimmer Onion Bhaji Mix

  1. Frances says:


  2. madgoose says:

    you use olive oil and not enough ,you dont read instructions prior to cooking and then you complain,use your imagination if you have one and stop blaming everyone else,your a t88ser

  3. Hey madgoose thanks for your helpful comment. You are of course quite right, my attention to detail when reading instructions does leave a lot to be desired, but god loves a tryer, so I do my best. Whilst of course I must take responsibility for oil levels and overcooking, I feel it’s only fair to blame Simon Rimmer (otherwise known as everybody else) for blandness of the product he supposedly created.

    In other news I have already been trying to improve my imagination, I’ve done pretty well I think. I came up with a world where apostrophes, capital letters and full stops are commonplace. I’m far from being a great grammarian but I’ve already found some places where I think they could be employed to great effect.

    Thanks for taking the time to read my blog, and I hope you’ll be back again soon.

  4. Lyvia says:

    This actually made me cackle out loud. Michelinmicrowave I think you’ve been trumped I’m afraid. Anyone who thinks to replace an O with an 8 in effortlessly unsubtle attempt to disguise an insult through online jargon clearly have a very wider reaching imagination. What a w4nker eh?

  5. Jayne Quirk says:

    Actually, Michelinmicrowave is a tooser.

  6. evander says:

    I made them last night following the instructions and they were delicious……fact

  7. Lorraine says:

    I have made both the bhajis and the thai patties and they are lovely

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