I have become a little obsessed with crosswords recently, especially since I discovered that you can do the Guardian one online. Obviously I only do the quick or easy ones, I don’t need the clues to be made any harder than they already are by being made “cryptic”, that is just annoying and means I won’t get anything right because I’m not clever enough. This fascination with crosswords means I have taken an interest in the meaning of words and sometimes I thought I had a clear idea of what a word meant only for the crossword to prove me wrong. This insecurity about my own vocabulary was exacerbated recently when I tried Heston’s chocolate sauce.
I always thought a sauce could be defined as “a liquid accompaniment poured over food”, after tasting Heston’s chocolate sauce I started to have doubts. Judging by the stuff that came in the pot you would define sauce as” a firm lump of congealed brown, that requires a spoon to excavate” at this point I thought I’d check the dictionary to see what they said and it came out with “Thick liquid served with food, usually savoury dishes, to add moistness and flavour” so Heston’s offering fell short there too – something was not quite right!
The jar states that the sauce can be “eaten hot or cold” but then goes on to provide instructions for melting in the microwave. This is slightly confusing because if you eat the sauce cold it is not a sauce, if you eat it hot, then you are not eating it cold! If you melt it and then let it go cold it re-congeals, so either the jar lies and you have to eat it hot, or Heston is trying to re-define what we all think of as sauce.
I wanted to dip some strawberries in the sauce so I was left with no option but to melt the stuff, as I don’t have a microwave I had to improvise so I scooped some of the sauce into a ramekin and floated the ramekin in some boiling water. Finally I had something that resembled sauce and the dipping commenced.
I’d love to say that all the effort was worth it, but alas it didn’t live up to Heston’s usual high standards. It is is made up of Madagascan dark chocolate, cocoa liquor, cocoa powder, sea salt and espresso natural flavouring, which all sounds very posh and gives the sauce a more complex and layered flavour than a dirt cheap version. It is smooth in texture and very rich with a coffee flavour that intensifies as the sauce cools down, but for all that it just doesn’t taste that good.
Heston you’re better than this and I feel sad that you let me down, especially when a jar costs £3.49 and I could have melted a dairy milk for 70p.
Heston from Waitrose Chocolate Sauce £3.49 for 320g