Heston from Waitrose Chocolate Sauce

I have become a little obsessed with crosswords recently, especially since I discovered that you can do the Guardian one online. Obviously I only do the quick or easy ones, I don’t need the clues to be made any harder than they already are by being made “cryptic”,  that is just annoying and means I won’t get anything right because I’m not clever enough. This fascination with crosswords means I have taken an interest in the meaning of words and sometimes I thought I had a clear idea of what a word meant only for the crossword to prove me wrong. This insecurity about my own vocabulary was exacerbated recently when I tried Heston’s chocolate sauce.

Heston Choc Sauce

I always thought a sauce could be defined as “a liquid accompaniment poured over food”, after tasting Heston’s chocolate sauce I started to have doubts. Judging by the stuff that came in the pot you would define sauce as” a firm lump of congealed brown, that requires a spoon to excavate” at this point I thought I’d check the dictionary to see what they said and it came out with “Thick liquid served with food, usually savoury dishes, to add moistness and flavour” so Heston’s offering fell short there too – something was not quite right!

The jar states that the sauce can be “eaten hot or cold” but then goes on to provide instructions for melting in the microwave. This is slightly confusing because if you eat the sauce cold it is not a sauce, if you eat it hot, then you are not eating it cold! If you melt it and then let it go cold it re-congeals, so either the jar lies and you have to eat it hot, or Heston is trying to re-define what we all think of as sauce.

Sauce and Strawberries

I wanted to dip some strawberries in the sauce so I was left with no option but to melt the stuff, as I don’t have a microwave I had to improvise so I scooped some of the sauce into a ramekin and floated the ramekin in some boiling water. Finally I had something that resembled sauce and the dipping commenced.

I’d love to say that all the effort was worth it, but alas it didn’t live up to Heston’s usual high standards. It is is made up of Madagascan dark chocolate, cocoa liquor, cocoa powder, sea salt and espresso natural flavouring, which all sounds very posh and gives the sauce a more complex and layered flavour than a dirt cheap version. It is smooth in texture and very rich with a coffee flavour that intensifies as the sauce cools down, but for all that it just doesn’t taste that good.

Heston you’re better than this and I feel sad that you let me down, especially when a jar costs £3.49 and I could have melted a dairy milk for 70p.

Heston from Waitrose Chocolate Sauce £3.49 for 320g

5/10

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15 Responses to Heston from Waitrose Chocolate Sauce

  1. marymary says:

    You can melt cream and chocolate in five minutes. You see where I’m going with these comments …

  2. MDowler says:

    If there’s one thing you’d expect from a marymary though, it would be for her to go at least ever so slightly against the grain..

    • Well quite! But not only against the grain… seemingly lacking any understanding of the point of the blog. Still I’m grateful to have a reader.

      • marymary says:

        Yes but convenience food should at least be more convenient than making it yourself? Esp if it’s not going to taste better.
        I did make nigella’s choc and peanut butter sauce but had to rename it chocolate lump, so this solidity must be a common problem. It did taste good though.

  3. I agree it should be more convenient! But I think you have missed the point – I am writing reviews of celebrity endorsed food products, I am not claiming they are better than home made ones, in fact I think in a lot cases it is clear I think they are worse!

  4. OldLag says:

    Can we get back to the chocolate sauce please? Aside from the solidity, I fail to see the Hestonicity of this product – which unexpected spin has he spun?

  5. marymary says:

    …. try it with frozen prawns or dip vegetables in it!

  6. “insecurity about my own vocabulary was exacerbated recently” – briliant as always! 🙂 LOVE this blog to bits. To address marymary and OldLag’s comments, I think the chocolate sauce in question has Hestonicity (awesome word) credential in being similar to the topping used on his original chocolate popping candy cake: http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2003/may/24/foodanddrink.shopping

    But there’s a recipe for a similar -sounding chocolate sauce (to go with the Christmas pudding, weirdly) on Waitrose’s website: http://www.waitrose.com/content/waitrose/en/home/recipes/recipe_directory/h/hestons_chocolate_sauce.html

    We haven’t tried to make a homemade version of any of the Heston from Waitrose stuff for a while, you guys might have inspired us to give this chocolate sauce a go!

  7. OldLag says:

    Jeez Louise! who the f*ck would want to find chocolate sauce on their Christmas pudding! Next thing you know Heston will be advocating chilli and chocolate! Or salt on toffee! Or marmalade on sardines!

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