My blog is built on two foundations 1) My love of food – I like cooking, I like eating out, I like reading about food. Consequently I have built up a bit knowledge and have a decent frame of reference to know if something is good or bad. 2) My ability to write rubbish jokes about celebrities and mock their marketing spin. For those reasons this is going to be one of the hardest blog posts I’ve ever had to write as I don’t drink and I have no idea who Professor Green is.
My girlfriend spotted the pale ale and thought it was an opportunity too good to miss for blogging purposes and snapped it up. So here I am trying to carve out a narrative about two things of which I have no knowledge and I feel like this guy.
So I’ve had to do what any self respecting person in the pursuit of knowledge does and turn to Wikipedia to ensure that I only provide you with the facts. It turns out Professor Green isn’t a professor at all, but one of those “rap singers” that the kids listen to these days. He was raised by his grandmother Patricia, toured with Lily Allen, got stabbed in the neck with a bottle in a club in Shoreditch and had his legs crushed between two Mercedes in Gloucestershire. After all that he must have sat down and thought hmmmm I should probably create a beer now and that’s exactly what he’s done.
The label has the following quote “I wanted to make a beer that surprises people. No insipid lagers here, this is my take on a pale ale. The aroma reminds me of… what can I say? It smells very Green. Made only from British hops and brewed in England, Remedy is 4.5% alcohol, 100% British beer”. I’m no linguist but that doesn’t sound to me like a sequence of words that anyone would come out with in the course of a normal day, and for a man who is famous for his lyrical dexterity it is one the clumsiest phrases I’ve ever read. But the label then out-clumsies itself with copy that reads “Taste the big hop flavours sitting atop sweet malt character, packed in with a signature bitter edge. Citrus notes and a subtle lightness overdrive the taste, into a crisp and refreshing finish.” What? That sounds like something you’d find on a students fridge composed out of magnetic poetry, not the product of a brewery’s marketing department aimed at articulating the flavour profile of their latest beer. I suppose nobody really buys a beer for the literary credentials of the label though, they buy one because Professor Green is involved or because they like the taste, so I guess it was time to give it a go.
I poured the beer into a glass and it was as the name suggests rather pale. I took a sip and to my untrained palate I can tell you that it tasted of beer. It was fizzy and bitter like beer tends to be, I found it a bit watery and unfortunately for Professor Green I also thought it was “insipid” but what do I know? Apart from a lapse in the summer of 2013 when I suddenly got a taste for shandy I hadn’t really drunk any beer since the late 90s so I’m not the best judge. I passed the glass to my girlfriend who declared that it was bland and had no lingering flavour and much like water it was quick and easy to drink, and that dear reader is as much of a critique as you’ll find here.
Professor Green’s Remedy – Pale Ale £1.67 (offer price) for a 330ml bottle.
4/10 (according to Naomi. I don’t have a clue)