A while back I posted a blog called “A sign of things to Come” which talked about my yield of Sean Wilson products. When I wrote it I thought I would write a series of blogs in consecutive weeks all about Sean’s products, however as I tried them and it became clear just how bad they were I couldn’t face eating them in quick succession. It has taken me a long time to pluck up the courage to try the scouse in a can and as the moment approaches I feel struck with dread at how it looks and what the smell will be like when I open it. I can’t help thinking, why oh why does this product exist? I see it and remember the words of my mother as she saw it go into my basket and she said “Are you actually going to eat that?” well the answer is yes mum, yes I am. I didn’t start this blog so that I could shy away from the worst celebrity endorsements out there, I started it as I felt I could rise to the challenge and offer a public service saving others from the fate to which I was destined.
Unlike the packet for Sean’s pancake mix which tried every trick in the book to persuade you that you were in for a good time, the marketing copy on the can of scouse is non existent. It is like they already know they’re onto a losing battle and trying to convince you that the contents are edible is futile. In fact the packaging in general looks like the result of a GCSE Design Technology project.
Scouse is a meat and veg stew largely associated with Liverpool. As far as I know there isn’t an official recipe for it and it’s open to interpretation- some people use beef and some people use lamb. When I was growing up my mum used to make a good one using beef that I would drown in brown sauce. If you go to Liverpool you won’t have to look too hard to find a pub or cafe serving it and I’m sure each place will have their own ideas about how it should be done. What is a bit strange about Sean Wilson coming up with his version is that generally he is all about Lancashire – even the logo on his products is a blatant rip off of the Coronation St one and so for him to go all Merseyside/Brookside on us is a bit off message.
I opened the can and the smell wasn’t as bad as I feared, it smelt like a can of beans or something, nowhere near as pungent and farty as I anticipated. It did look worse than I imagined though, it was watery like a meaty soup rather than a stew. The meat was really weird- it was like mince that had then been minced again, so instead of strands there were miniscule lumps of brown protein each one about the size of half a maggot.
I heated the Scouse through and had a taste. It was horrid. The meat got stuck in my teeth and the gravy somehow managed to be simultaneously watery and gloopy. The carrot, which was completely devoid of anything that I would call flavour, disintegrated as soon as it hit my tongue, the potato tasted exactly the same as the carrot but was a different colour and firmer in texture and the pea which tasted like the carrot and potato was trying as hard as it could to be green but was fighting a losing battle and had turned into a sphere of dejected brown. I can’t really describe the overall taste as I’m not sure there was one, but I do know that my my mouth was salty for the next two hours and no amount of water was going to help.
So once again Sean has created another crap product. I’ve only got strong cheese crisps, Yorkshire Puddings and then dumplings left to try and I will be free of the range (unless it gets expanded – which could well be the end of me) see you on the other side!
Sean Wilson Signature Collection – Scouse 400g can – 99p